i just wanna soil my oats bro
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize