My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
