I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
