it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
