Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
