I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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