Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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