I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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