Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
