Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
