you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they're like a gay fantastic four
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
