like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
