So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
