Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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