Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
