i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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