so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
