the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
