Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
