the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
