Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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