thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
