You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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