I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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