ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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