i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
