I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
