Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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