make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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