My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
