No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
