I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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