I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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