I'm really into asian looking animals
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
this hospital has no fireball
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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