I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
