It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
