shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
