I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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