Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
