hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
