dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
