please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
