I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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