I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
