o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize