Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
