So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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