Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize