I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
