what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
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I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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