So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
