Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
