I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
