she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
