i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
