you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
