'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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