Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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