8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize