Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just cropdusted the office
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
