I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
