we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
