She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
