But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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