Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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